First of all Ana I want to thank you for this wonderful site. I think you've done a great job. I hope you might have some helpful advice for my predicament as well. I had been battling depression for a while (last year and half or more) although it has gotten better recently. The reason for my depression was that I lost everything a while back. I have always been a believer in muslim polygyny even from a very young age as it is Sunnat and I believe that if done properly it prevents many ills in the society and protects both men and women. This was so even though in my country Pakistan culturally and even legally polygyny is taboo despite the fact that it is a "muslim" country. Unfortunately the ancient Hindu influence and now recently the new western influence is so strong that people here follow those cultural practices and consider something halal i.e polygyny to be worse than murder (effectively haram in a way). Despite my culture Polygyny has always called to me and I always knew that for better or worse I am the sort of man who would marry more than once. I always find the idea of loving only one person strange. After all we love more than one parent, we love all of our siblings and all of our children not just one. So why cannot a man sincerely love more than one wife? I am a big hearted person and I have always known that I have more than enough love to give. I did not try to hide my beliefs from my wife, if I remember correctly I even mentioned it before we got married. However it was some time after my first marriage that slowly my conviction became a certainty in my mind that I wished to practically go for a second marriage. I did not take the decision lightly as I was not naive enough to think that polygyny was an easy path. For this reason I had desperately wanted to be happy and satisfied with my first wife. Unfortunately some things are not in one's control, my first wife did not prove to be a good wife for me for a multitude of reasons and I was not satisfied with her. Once I had decided to go for a second marriage I told my wife and she did not take it at all well. We fought over it and I left the house for a few days, in Pakistan in order to legally marry a second time you need the written consent of your first wife and she refused initially. Unfortunately she is a jealous and extremely possessive person. After trying to talk it out with her I finally obtained her verbal approval on two separate occasions. After some time and some searching I found a nice wonderful woman who agreed to be my second wife and we performed a simple Nikah. A man could not ask for a better wife, I did not know her prior to our marriage but she was the best thing that ever happened to me. She loved me, obeyed me and took care of me while living in difficult conditions without complaint. She was gentle and calm and wonderful and I grew to love her very much. I had thought that I was ready for the complications of polygamy unfortunately I had severely underestimated them. My main mistake was that although I was well educated and had a good job I was young and was not completely financially independent. To make things worse I hit a bad patch in my job and things were looking bad at the time. I was working in my first wife's home city and therefore we were living with my inlaws temporarily. Considering the situation I did not announce my second marriage immediately which was a mistake and I now realize completely wrong of me. I should have announced the marriage to my and my first wife's family despite their guaranteed adverse reactions and dealt with the consequences. My second wife's family knew and participated in the Nikah.

hating deeba!!!!!!!!!